Among the many things I forgot or underestimated while preparing my trip to Israel and Palestine was the small fact that neither Jews nor Muslims eat pork. And I loooove pork. Actually, that isn’t entirely true, I’m not all that keen on unprocessed belly pork, I find it chewy and tastless. But sausages, and ham and BACON, oh man I love bacon! Bacon is sweet and smokey and salty and chewy and crunchy and basically everything good about the world. In fact, attempting to find out something interesting to add to this post (I have been criticised before for overuse of Wikipedia so avoid it like the plague) I came up with an entire subversive army of Jews who like to eat bacon. They have t-shirts and everything – you know you’re a member of a cult when you can buy its t-shirt on Cafe Press. This is a cult with all the appropriate disparagers, complaining about the fetishisation of bacon consumption. Fetishisation my bacon-filled behind, bacon is simply delicious and the most difficult part of pork to give up.
Anyway, the culture of bacon bans aside, I had not quite realised how difficult it would be to give up my favourite cured product. Not that there was any space for moments of weakness of course, I found no bacon during my entire stay in the area. But it certainly featured pretty prominently on my ‘list of things I’m going to do on my first day home’ a favourite game for long journeys while backpacking. And oh my did that bacon sandwich taste good when I got home.
List of things I’m going to do on my first day home
1. Drink — Large glass of full-bodied red wine.
2. Eat — Streaky bacon sandwich on soft white bread with salted butter.
3. Eat — Seafood. Fuck loads of it.
4. Drink — One more glass of that wine.
5. Eat — Extremely spicy extremely greasy curry.
6. Dress in — culturally inappropriate clothing (e.g.. denim mini skirt).
7. Eat — Cheeseboard. Preferably containing one extremely soft French cheese and one extremely blue English cheese.
8. Eat — Sushi (this option could possibly be moved to the next day for digestive purposes).